


Leaving Deceit Where It Belongs: In the Past

by infinity_skies



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: :(, Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Family Feels, Finding a home, Gen, He sucks, Hurt/Comfort, I hate Deceit, Idolization, Leaving Abuser, M/M, Past Abuse, about finding a family, ahhh, also you know how anxiety noticed deceit first?, and finding yourself., fuck that guy, idk - Freeform, idk how this works tbh, idolization of an abuser, idolize, if it does ill add a romance tag?, im just looking for it to be happy, leaving abuse, leaving abusive relationships, maybe it'll gain a romantic plot eventually but I doubt it, signs of abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-13 21:22:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13579185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinity_skies/pseuds/infinity_skies
Summary: just.... read. im exhausted and this is an emotional expression piece about leaving an abuser, how hard it is and what it takes. based on my experiences.Should have a happy ending, what i'm hoping for to come out of all of this.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> idk how the Gen tag truly works but uh, I am aiming for this to be a story without a clear romantic plot at least thus far, tbh this is a coping fic from all the abusers I've escaped, and rn especially I'm not looking for love. 
> 
> A Romantic Relationship is indeed involved with the plot but there is not a romantic plot. 
> 
> I'm just looking for it to be happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ah fuck

Virge's POV

God, I miss him. Fuck I hate that I miss him. Deceit... made me feel good. He made me even, kind of, feel loved. We were both the sides no one liked, the ones they all pretended weren't even there. Our jobs were /necessary/. They weren't fun things like dreams or morals, we had to keep Thomas safe. Keeping Thomas safe takes its toll... you box up and hold all of the bad memories, bad feelings, everything that /hurts/. The other sides didn't like us, we were the antagonist in their heroic tale. We prevented Thomas from being what everyone thought he was what everyone knew he could be but we were just keeping him safe. 

And Deceit made me feel safe. I told him my name, and he told me he didn't even know his name. I believed him. How stupid is that? I believed /Deceit/. But he made me feel safe and loved. We were stupid and tried to be happy. I put on my eyeshadow and he made his goofy scales- an homage to Two-Face, I know. He told me that it wasn't my fault the other sides hated me. Later it always settled in that he is built on lies. He didn't hit me. I know that far. But he also told me that if I went soft, if I didn't work my hardest, that I... That Thomas would...

I always believed him. I believed him that if I ever let up, Thomas would be the one to suffer. I believed him that if the other sides liked me it meant I was probably being too soft, that I was still letting Thomas get hurt. I had no one else. I only had him. The other "dark sides" too, but... mostly just him. I was isolated. I just wanted to not feel alone.

I was scared. I was scared of being alone and I was scared of Thomas getting hurt. I was scared of myself, scared of what would happen if I was on my own. I... I didn't know. I didn't know what would come next, and so... I stayed. I let myself stay with him and it was beautiful and wonderful but it was hell. 

Eventually, Thomas had everything under control. He was feeling alright. I was feeling calm. I... I dunno. I guess I got brave. And I went out. I saw Thomas, spoke to him... And I was a dick. I was exactly everything Deceit told me I needed to be and Thomas... had a friend to help him. Thomas wasn't alone. Thomas acknowledged me, calmed me down more. He made me feel alright. And Deceit was... wrong? I definitely didn't understand it. But I was brave enough then so I... kept it from him. From Deceit, I mean. I waited to try it again. Until Thomas was lying to himself, trying to distance him from Deceit. I... That didn't work out too well...

I didn't really... there was a lot of being told I didn't matter, not to them. That I should keep away from them. That I should stick to doing what I was meant to do. That they all hated me and... it was true. They did all hate me. But time and time again they were in videos and I was pulled towards them, away from Deceit. He hated it. But the next time Thomas made a video, I joined in. It was all about how dark Disney is and I loved it. It was so much fun, the bickering, the messing with Princey... and this time I repped Deceit. I applauded Aladdin, Thomas's favorite movie, for the message the lying and deceiving your way into the castle can make all your dreams come true. It didn't work. I don't know why I thought it would work why on Earth did I think that would work.

For a while, it was all about him, Deceit. I was singing his praises and I had to be. He wouldn't live it down. I disobeyed him. I hurt him. I abandoned him. I left him alone and it was inexcusable. But nonetheless, I couldn't stop thinking about it. About what it was like to be in these videos. What it was like to be away from him.

Before the next video, I did something really stupid. Brave, but stupid. 

 

I left.


	2. Chapter 2

Virge's POV

it's not like it was always all bad

-insert patton plot point- ****

-insert vague mention of logan-

-insert roman-

 

-cAbagt???-  
-AA


End file.
